Woody, official 'utlh and all-round good bastard (ubykhlives) wrote,
Woody, official 'utlh and all-round good bastard
ubykhlives

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On the horns of a dilemma

Well. I just got an email, out of the blue, from the woman who messed with me back in January. She's apologised, saying she realises now she acted in a rather juvenile fashion, and that upon reflection she's sorry about it all.

I honestly don't know how to respond, or even if I should at all. There's a large part of me that wants to say, well, thanks for the apology and all, but it doesn't undo the fact that no-one has ever in my life hurt me so badly as she did and that even now, four months after the event, I'm still recovering from and attempting to deal with the emotional devastation she wrought and am not sure I can deal with further contact with her right now. But the other part of me believes it'd be dishonourable of me to throw such a response back at her if she is genuinely regretful and wants to, as it were, mend fences; that part of me would indeed like to mend these fences. I hate feeling upset or angry towards people even if there's what seems (to me) like a reasonable justification, and receiving this email from her at least opens the possibility of us opening a dialogue, getting past the massive issue that lies between us, and potentially being able to maintain a friendship if nothing else (and I'm pretty certain that under the circumstances I couldn't handle anything else right now). I just don't know if I'm ready, yet, to do all that.

This is just too damned complicated.

Anyway, that's that. And yet again, I'm sorry to vent at you all about this. I'll write a nice big positive post soon, I promise - my Ubykh manuscript's got some rather interesting things in it, if I say so myself, and I'd very much like to share some of them before it gets published (which, if all goes well, should be quite soon). I also had a lovely night out tonight, which I'll post about tomorrow.

By the way: I'm freezing. It's a cold night tonight.
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